Yesterday we stopped after church at our local grocery store for a couple of get well and birthday cards, a gallon of milk, some Chinese veggies and a roll of aluminum foil. My wife dropped the aluminum foil, and I, being the gentleman that I am, bent over to pick it up. You know what’s coming next. I heard the ripping sound that no one ever wants to hear when they bend over. Yes they did rip, all the way from the zipper to my belt in the back. I stood up and my wife assured me that as long as I moved slowly and didn’t bend over everything would be fine. Just another old guy shuffling down the isle to the check out. Now these were a pair of black dress pants that were not that old and I’m not that fat. Matter of fact I’m one of those guys without a butt. Everything was fine until we walked out the door and realized that there was a wind blowing. I must have looked pretty funny trying to get to the car holding the gallon of milk behind myself trying to hide the rip in the back of my pants. I still can’t figure out how it happened, but I got picked on relentlessly at home for the rest of the day and even today. It started out with did you get holy at church today? Take my word for it that it went down hill from there.
I think the teasing is over and I never did like that pair of pants anyway. After the first time I wore them I realized they were part wool and itched when ever I was some place where it was room temperature. This is finally a good excuse to get rid of them. Unfortunately I have a pair of blue pants that are identical. I even had a suggestion that I should acquire some black underwear for when I wear dress pants.
I have only done this once before and it was at the foul line while league bowling when I was in my mid to late 20’s. Luckily a waitress had some safety pins that sort of got me through the night. I remember the guys at the bowling alley giving me such a hard time that I left immediately after I was done. I think I got ribbing from every team we bowled against for the rest of that season.
Now that you have had a good laugh on me, think back, has this ever happened to you? My wife remembered that this had happened to one of her fellow teachers in Cedarburg and that he tried to use a paper stapler to make a temporary fix. Wonder how well that worked? Well, I guess we just have to learn to laugh at ourselves, hope no one saw us and that if they did, that the picture will not keep them awake at night.